Three O

“So, tomorrow’s the big day.” My hubby said to me at lunch this afternoon.
“Yup,” I said, “Three O.”

My panic over my impending birthday has subsided a little (partly because I am getting over it and partly because panic about other things in my life has kind of taken over). My hubby and I have talked a lot about my feelings towards this day and he has had some good ideas on how to readjust my thinking to help untie the knot my stomach. I think his best suggestion was to think of it like a fresh start, like New Years Eve. He knows that I love New Years Day. I love the freshness of it, that it is a clean slate and that there is a promise of something better in the air. People outlining plans to improve their lives, talking about all the things they are going to do differently this year. I get a charge out of it. I love making my New Years resolutions. Two years ago my resolution was to floss every night and it was the first time that I have ever kept a New Years resolution. Last year I read that it takes 6 weeks to form a new habit and so I had a new resolution for every six weeks. None of those stuck but making the list was really fun. So, the big three O, it is my biggest New Years Day yet and I am going to think of it like that to keep myself from going absolutely nuts. I am not going to wallow in my failures, disappointments, lost relationships, and indecisive stalling of my twenties but rather leave that behind and relish in a new decade full of potential and promise. When I turned twenty I put very little thought into the person I was becoming and the journey that I am on, my thoughts were mainly on the shortened distance between me and 21. As a 30 year old woman I can acknowledge the passing of time and my responsibility for making my time here what I want for it to be.

I told Wade today at lunch that my 20’s sort of pulled me along….I intend to grab my thirties by the shoulders, shove it off of the path it is currently on and start clearing my own path.

And it is with that nervous optimism that I post this, my hopes for this year-