Monday, April 30, 2007


My sisters were in town this weekend to watch my little bitty sister, Kelly, perform in Showtime (which she was totally amazing in). Of course in all the madness I didn't get a single picture of all four of us together, but here is the oldest and the youngest, Anne and Kelly. I will try to catch the middlest, Susie, before she leaves tomorrow.


I just found an old note from my husband, he calls me "Pants". Isn't that funny? He has called me that for years, it started as Lolly Pants and then he lost the Lolly and just kept the Pants. I have no idea why he calls me that. I like it though.


I just spent the last 3 hours blog surfing. I started at my own blog and then just kept going clicking on the comments in other people's blogs and I discovered that there are a lot of creative, interesting and fun people out there (which is good for my overly cynical, "there is nobody out there I like, I must just be a loner" attitude). I traveled from Lawrence to New Jersey to California to Australia, and it only took 3 hours. Of course, that was 3 hours I had reserved for catching up on my Evolution class notes that I printed this afternoon. Now my toosh is numb from my blog travels and I haven't even looked at my homework... but, the BLOG folder in my favorites has doubled in size, so that's fun.

Habeas Schmabeas

I just listened to this weeks This American Life and I am speechless. The crap that we are pulling with the people in the Middle East is shocking. Americans should be outraged. With each story of unfairly imprisoned men and our governments complete disregard for international laws, and our own first amendment, I just think to myself

I want to contact that person. I want to send their family a letter and tell them that not all Americans are like this. That we are not all cowboy-shoot-um-up-better-than-everyone-else-above-the-law-assholes.

Of course if I did that not only would I be writing letters to every country, all day long, but I would also have to admit that we are all too lazy to do anything about it. So, I'll sit in my cubical and hope that I can ignore this voice in my head that is screaming at me

This is not right!

We are making more people hate us.

We can do better. We should do better. For all of our little Beans. For each other.

One of those

-"Your one of those green people." A coworker, commenting on my use of organic deodorants.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

My husband is a rock star

Anyone that knows me can tell you that I am pretty stubborn. And by pretty stubborn I mean that even in the face of absolute evidence verifying that I am incorrect I will still stick to my story. My husband, however, is much more reasonable. Aside from an occasional disagreement about whether or not he said something, he is happy to admit when he is wrong. Well "happy" might be an overshot, but he is as least willing to admit it and is generally very good at compromising. Last night we had a long discussion about our future and our family and our career goals and babies and in the end, I don't want to say he gave in but I'll just say that he trusted me and we compromised. I am lucky to be with a man that loves me so much. Here is a picture of us when we were not thinking about babies or career or plans, almost 10 years ago.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Love and Butterflies

My Aunt Sherry takes amazing photos. She shares them on her blog that I visit at least 3 times a day. I like to think that my Aunt Cindy, who died several years ago visits me sometimes as a butterfly. The year after she died I had a butterfly visitor nearly every time I went outside. Friends and coworkers even commented on how odd it was to see a butterfly fly along side someone, like they are walking together. And, how ever time they saw me I would have a butterfly next to me. So when I saw this post on Sherry's blog I had to save it. It looks like Cindy was visiting her sister today.

And then there's the crazy ones

We had an encounter with a total nutcase this morning. On our way back from the park my husband pulled on to a residential street, speed limit 30 mph, and from about a block behind us a truck going probably 50 mph came flying up on our bumper. We were slowing down at that point because we were quickly approaching a stop sign. I don't know if this guy planned to run the stop sign or what but he came up on our tail and started screaming and throwing his arms up. Wade had just gotten a call from his best friend that lives in Colorado and he hardly ever gets to talk to him so he answered the phone and decided to chat while he drove home. The fact that he was on the phone made the guy even more enraged. He was grabbing the wheel and shaking back and forth, making the phone gesture and pretending to talk on the phone and was yelling and screaming the whole time. We just laughed a little and kept driving. He was behind us for a few more blocks and then was able to speed past us in another lane and yelled "learn to drive". We smiled and kept going our 30 mph. He swerved in in front of the people driving ahead of us and pulled into the turn lane. Funny that he did the same thing to the people in front of us that he claimed we did to him, and that resulted in the instructions "learn to drive"...Unfortunately it did not end there. We drove very slowly down our street, he sped ahead but ironically we passed him when he got stopped at a stoplight and happened to be in a lane with several more cars. We drove past him and he yelled "You're still on the phone?" and we just shook our heads. "He was watching in his rear view mirror that whole time, waiting for us to pass him" my husband said. It's true, what was his problem? Why do people become total maniacs in their vehicles? Obviously we did not slow him down, if he had stayed behind us he would have actually gotten home sooner. And, it isn't like he was rushing to do something. We know that because we discovered later on this afternoon that he is our neighbor. We saw him turn into a drive way after his tirade and when we returned home a few minutes later, we saw him working on his lawn. He was violently freaking out on us so that he could get home to do yard work.
I used to have a little road rage. I would do the "throw my hands in the air" thing when I was being tailgated and yell every now and then. But, I don't act like that anymore. See, several years ago someone that I loved very very much died of cancer. I was heartbroken when I heard the news, I had plenty of warning but could not accept that someone so young and healthy could be that sick. I drove to my best friends house for some comfort and was apparently driving too slow for a young woman behind me. She yelled at me, honked, and finally gave me the finger while passing me when I pulled into the turn lane. She didn't know that I was devastated, she didn't know anything about me, only that my driving was unacceptable and that flipping me off was the best way to resolve it.
So, I don't have road rage anymore. Sure I get ticked when someone pulls out in front of me or rides my bumper, but I always remember how I felt that day and it reminds me that even in a metal box, with wheels and a horn, we are still interacting with each other. We have no idea what someone else is going through. We are all just people.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Well, I am not doing so well on the vegan thing, I forgot how much I love cheese. But, I haven't had meat for a couple of days now and I love it. Today I saw someone eating fried chicken legs and almost lost my non-dairy cookies. She was suckin on them bones and there was veins and all kinds of other nasty things that make my face pucker up while I type this. Ugh... I find that a lot of people that eat meat are kind of hostile to people that don't eat meat, like maybe they were teased or bullied by a "hippy vegetarian" (to use a term I heard at work today) as a kid and now just have it in for all vegetarians. Or maybe they realized on some level that eating meat kind of sucks but they are not willing to give it up because they like the taste/convenience of it and they don't want someone coming around saying anything bad about their choices. Frankly, I try not to say anything about it at all to people, best to avoid that argument all together. Besides, in my office just the word "tofu" can clear a room. And what's up with that anyway? What is the deal with the tofu-phobes? I'll save that for another post I suppose.

Conflicted consumer

I always feel so torn between loving new things, like this bedding from anthropology, and wanting to fight the norm and not buy into the American consumer mentality. Fortunately (in a way) I have very little extra money so most of the time it is not a problem. I did buy Henry some new shoes the other day though, who can resist a tiny pair of chuck taylors? It should be a requirement for all babies.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Bean

I have a kid and he is GORGEOUS!

Meats for meatheads

I am thinking of trying a vegan diet for a while. I feel so heavy, not because I am carrying extra weight heavy, but a sort of greasy, sugary, gritty kind of heavy. I think I need to bring a little freshness into my life.

Fresh and soft

Today while walking to class I found myself envious of two couples, both clearly at different stages in their relationship. There was a young couple, each on opposite sides of a fence, leaning over to awkwardly hold hands. I could tell that it wasn’t a comfortable way to stand, twisted, with the fence pushing into their arms a little, and the girl up on her toes, but neither of them seemed to mind it much. They were talking to each other like there wasn’t 250 students passing them just 2 feet away. The beginning of a relationship is so exciting and invigorating. Getting to share your stories with someone that hasn’t been there to see them or heard them already. An active listener who hangs on your words and thinks you can accomplish those dreams that other people that maybe know you a little better might scoff at and say “well you’ll have to get off the sofa if you’re going to do that…” It’s like for a brief moment you can reinvent yourself and have an audience there to say “Wow, you’re just what I want.” And there are those butterflies in your stomach and the intense feeling that you want to be with that person all the time.

The older couple had something that at first glace seems totally different than the daters. They both wore wedding bands and I would guess from the look of them that they had small children, possibly small enough to keep them up at night because they looked a little tired. They sat close together on a stone bench. They held hands too, but neither of them looked uncomfortable, their hands just seemed to fit together like they had been in that position many times before. They laughed a little but mostly just sat silently with their eyes closed enjoying a few minutes of sunshine. I thought maybe one of them was a professor, on a break, and the other came to visit only not so much visit (talk) but more just be together. Long term relationships have that warm, fuzzy blanket that smells like your house feeling. I watched them the whole time I walked to my class. They looked good, happy, easy. I wondered how I could bring all of those feelings into my relationship. I wondered how I could show my husband that I think he could do accomplish all of his dreams. I want to hang on his every word and feel giggly when I realize I will see him in a few hours. And, I want to be wrapped up in a blanket that smells like him and sit quietly with him in the sunshine. I want an new-old relationship.

Monday, April 16, 2007


Having trouble getting the tragedy at VT out of my head.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Lessons from's movie?

When I was a kid my parents didn't have cable, didn't have a remote control and didn't have a VCR. In addition to that our TV viewing was intensely monitored. I remember being excited to watch some math show on PBS after school, just because it was watching television. We did finally get a VCR when I was in high school (mid 90's, a little behind the times) and in our excitement my Mom let us rent the movie "16 Candles". We popped popcorn, got on our comfy clothes, snuggled into the sofa and prepared ourselves for our first night of watching a movie without commercials. We made it oh about 5 minutes into the movie before it was shut off. For you John Hughes buffs out there, we got to "I can't believe they forgot my F'n birthday"...something blurry moved from the kitchen to the television, we all felt a breeze and the TV was off. Our movie viewing was back to the annual Superman marathon on CBS and The Wizard of Oz. I have found that as a child of the 80's many of my friends are appalled that I do not have Pretty in Pink memorized and that I can honestly say I was never afraid of the Goonies (or would even be able to spot one if it passed me on the street). As an adult I have tried to watch these movies on several occasions. Every time we click past The Breakfast Club my husband tries so hard to help me get into it, but alas, I am certain that window has closed. The other day my son, Henry was napping and I was in desperate need of some veg out time. We had a hectic morning, lots of diaper changes and rambunctious playing and I was ready for a moment of brain numbing television viewing. After some serious surfing I stumbled upon "She's Having a Baby", a John Hughes movie, possibly from the early 90's rather than 80's but the feel was there, none the less. As a movie about a couple in their mid-twenties struggling with career choices, babies, friends, marriage, home ownership....all that, it seemed to be right up my alley. And it was, I enjoyed it immensely. I was so excited that I watched and liked one of those movies, I couldn't wait to tell my husband that I was part of the club. Unfortunately, I found out that movie doesn't really count. He actually had never heard of it. But that is beside the point. There was a quote in the movie that I really thought was smart. I am taking some liberties here with this because I don't know Kevin Bacon's exact words, but here you go...

"What you are looking for isn't something you will find, it is something you will make. "

Love that!

Monday, April 9, 2007

Where is the mute button when you need it?

I have always thought that there is nothing more boring than listening to someone describe a television show. Well, that is until I spent a half hour hearing about some guy on American Idol, then I decided that my theory was far too general and that there is NOTHING more boring than listening to someone describe American Idol. I just can't believe people waste their evenings watching that crap and then spend their days talking about it. "Did you see that one girl that sang the theme to Scooby Doo, oh my god she sucked" "What about the guy with the puffy hair? Did you see him last week, it was flatten out and this week it was so puffy. Puffy then flat. Super puffy then super flat....crazy!" "What about the 80 year old lady that dressed up like the Tazmanian Devil. She really couldn't sing. I can't believe she did a cartwheel at the end"....Seriously, it is one of the only conversations that can make me wish I was doing work. Actually, with my coworkers it is one of many conversations that make me wish I was doing work. Lately my only defense against these conversations (and many other disturbing, although not as boring, ones) is to put on my headphones the minute I walk in the door and never take them off. It doesn't really work all that well, but I'll take a false sense of security over being freely available for their conversational whims. Even if it blocks just one conversation, it is worth it....

So before I become known in blog circles as the blogger most likely to be a grumpy old woman let me just tell you about something I don't hate....dare say that I love. Sudoku! I am getting really good at it. I can't wait for class tomorrow, I am certain I can finish it before the sorority girl team that sits in front of me. And I will even do it all by myself.

Sunday, April 8, 2007


I hate living in Lawrence and I love living in Lawrence all at the same time. I hate seeing high school classmates, I hate JC drivers, I hate that I have seen it all and done it all already. I hate running to people on the street that I work with or that ignored me in high school. I pretty much hate KU, I have been there so long and gotten nothing out of it-it's like my dysfunctional high school boyfriend. There are a lot of things about Lawrence that either just bug me or that make me feel bad about myself. But then I wonder, if I was doing all the interesting things that I imagine I am doing at night while I fall asleep. And if I lost the, weight... I have been carrying around for over a year now (how long can you call it baby weight?) and felt good about myself I probably wouldn't mind the occasional run-ins with the high school sluts who tried to hook up with my boyfriend (often successfully, I might add). And there is a lot to love about Lawrence. At least that is what I keep hearing from the 15 people I know that have left and found their way back after a year or two. I want to live somewhere with creative people, open minds, great food, gardens, sidewalks and parks for my son to run in, sunshine, fall colors, beautiful old homes, my family nearby, and a good basketball team. Sounds like Lawrence doesn't it? Maybe I just need to change my attitude a little.