Free

Much to my parents disappointment I had to drop my classes this semester. Although I am a 30 year old woman, I still feel the sting of disappointing my parents. But, unlike the many other times that I have felt the loneliness and self-doubt brought on by my father’s silent treatment tactics, this time I feel a slight surge from the decision. Don’t get me wrong, I still cried most of the day after dropping out and I still felt a little sick to my stomach as I over-explained my reasoning to my Mom, but at the same time I know that it is the right choice. When I complain about school my Dad usually tells the story of working 3 jobs while going to grad school and raising 3 children. He sacrificed his time with his kids for education and work, a compromise that I am unwilling to make and an example of the fundamental difference in priorities between me and my father. At any rate, I feel good about the decision and am reveling in the delight of free time. Imagining watching movies with my hubbie, my toes tucked under his legs while we snuggle under the blankets. Reading a book that keeps me up way too late. Making a new cupcake recipe (I’m thinking: pumpkin cranberry cake with brown butter icing). Here are a few other things I would like to do with the next 4 months:

volunteer at an animal shelter.
paint and recover the kitchen chairs.
take a couple of cooking classes at the merc.
sew new curtains for the kitchen.
bake homemade bread.
have coffee/dinner with my friends more, without children.
annihilate debt.
successfully predict this year's college hoops champion for my own March Madness pool.
get a pedicure now and again?
make a piñata.
make an entire meal with ingredients grown in my garden.
discover and learn about a new artist...music, painting, photography, anything really.
find or make Wade a really great gift.
exercise.
take pictures nearly every day.
go to and take everyone to the dentist (admittedly sad that this is making the list!).
keep the yard from looking trashy (harder than you think).
eat a salad every night.
plant a lilac bush and a dogwood tree.
get to a healthy weight so we can have another baby.
take a screen printing class (that means you lisa).

Things that make me happy Thursday

I asked my coworker what her New Years Resolution is, she said she doesn't believe in resolutions because she never keeps them anyway. I said, yeah but just because you fail at something doesn't mean that you should stop trying. Resolving to live a better life by flossing your teeth or losing weight or eating more vegetables is something that people should do all the time, not just once a year. I felt a little sad for my coworker because I am pretty sure that she is not doing anything to actively make her life better, she is just going along with things as they are. A scary notion for me. I firmly believe that your life is what you make of it. If you make no effort and take no risks for yourself then in the end the only thing steering your course is what other people do to you. An even scarier notion.

My New Years Resolution list is long and lovely and full of hope and promise for this journey I am on called LAURA KELLY'S ONE LIFE. I've got some stuff I'll share but most of it I think I'll keep for myself.

This holiday season has really been an eye-opening experience for me. I’ll spare you the details and just say that in the end I have realized quite a bit about myself and my family. There have been disappointing and lonely moments but I am looking at it as a much needed push towards a more organized, independent and thoughtful life. And all of these recent discoveries have come just in time for New Years Resolutions, which may just give me the much needed boost for some positive change.

It is the end of year and in an accounting office that means crazy hours, stress headaches, not taking lunch breaks and doing a lot of complaining. A few of my resolutions center around my experience at work, which is important to me because I spend most of my time at work. I do not really feel a deep connection to my coworkers, but that is okay because it is a job, not a social gathering. My goals this year for my job are to not let myself get stressed out by it {it’s a job in a billing office….not worth the kind of emotional energy I am currently putting into it}. To not be such a pushover with people {it is shocking to me to look at my workload in comparison to everyone else. It would seem like the pay out for hard work is more work, but in many ways I bring it onto myself by not speaking up about the imbalance}. And, lastly, stop participating in office politics and gossip. I feel best about myself when I come to work, do what I am supposed to do, meet my deadlines, stay focused, am friendly and positive, and do a good job.

Another very important goal for 2008 is to work on my relationships- foster some new friendships, to strengthen some that I value and have let slide and remove myself from the ones that are not fulfilling and leave me feeling frustrated and exhausted (I have many of those). This is going to be SUPER hard for me because A) I have no free time. B) I have a slight fear of commitment when it comes to friendships. Too many people have let me down in the past (hence the multiple frustrating and exhausting friendships resolution). C) I am not good at putting up boundaries without just completely cutting people off. In some cases I think I should just cut people off, and actually this fall I did that with two friendships that were NOT working for me. I felt and still feel a little guilty about it, but I try to remind myself that I do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like me.

Of course, losing weight/being healthy is high up on my list for 2008. I am really feeling the pressure now because this year we are going to the beach and I want to feel good in my swimsuit and be comfortable on a long road trip. I feel good about the healthy part. Since starting this plant-based diet my energy level is up, my skin is clearer, my hair is shinier, I don’t have heartburn anymore, and I don’t crash after every meal. I need to exercise though, so starting on Monday I am going to the gym in the morning. Before I got pregnant I exercised every day, then I hit my first trimester and pretty much slept and threw up all day….I felt good working out and while working out every day is not really an option given my busy schedule, I think I can fit it in 4 days a week, and that will do for now.

What about you? What do you want for yourself in 2008?

Random facts

Coming up with my Friday 5 today got me in the mood to makes lists. This started out as next weeks F5 exploded into a Friday 20 (and an hour long distraction from work), which just will not do...so here it is.

1. I take super hot showers
2. My Nana-in-Law (ha!) calls herself a counter-she counts everything (when she is walking she counts her steps, when she is eating she counts her peas, etc) well I am a singer. I sing everything. Sometimes outloud but most of the time just in my head because when I do it outloud I almost always get caught.
3. I really want to be into yoga and poetry, but both of them bore the bee geezers out of me.
4. I am a terrible napper and cannot sleep past sunrise without medication
5. I can’t figure out God/Religion. I am mostly on board with God, but so far religion has just let me down. I hope I have enough time in my life to figure that one out.
6. I have a lot of bad dreams, sometimes they make me scream in my sleep (good times for Wade)
7. I have 4 extreme fears- flying, getting really sick, grasshoppers and public speaking
8. Most of the time I am pretty sure that I am not smart enough to finish college, but I am just going along with it because I have been wrong a lot
9. I would love to live in New York City although the idea of it scares me a little
10. Each of my sisters (I have 3) have at least one quality that I envy, just a little…
11. My sister Susie is the most like my Mom. Sometimes I hear myself saying things exactly like my Dad (especially when I am being silly) but other than that I don’t think I am much like my parents at all.
12. If I won a million dollars I would quit my job, graduate from college and travel the world with my husband and Bean.
13. I think we will have one more baby in the next year or so and then I think we will adopt in the next couple of years and then our family will be complete. Although when I fantasize about my family there are 3 biological children and 3 adopted children.
14. I am getting a LOT more grey hair.
15. I love Hip-Hop and would totally blast it in my car if it didn’t annoy me so much when other people do it.
16. My high school boyfriend treated me like crap and was a totally druggy. Since then I've decided that drugs are for posers.
17. During the eulogy at my Aunt Cindy’s funeral my little sister Susie leaned over and said “That sounds like you Laurie.” It was the greatest compliment I have ever gotten.
18. I only like salads with croutons
19. I think my husband is the funniest person I know
20. I am pretty sure I have ADD because I space out during conversations and can't sit still for an entire movie.

Friday Five

Five favorite moments of the holiday weekend

1) Throwing a party for Henry in MY house!!! YAY!
2) Decorating Henry’s birthday cake with my sisters
3) Watching my sisters interact with Henry for the first time in months
4) Drawing names for Christmas gift-giving
5) Stopping for a moment to be thankful for my fantastic family, my beautiful friends and all the blessings of 2007

What were your favorite moments this holiday weekend?

Friday 5

My friend Kate sent me this meme last week. It kinda fits the Friday 5 theme...so it goes up. Play along if you like...

*I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?
1. Produce - Avocados

2. Bakery – Rustic whole wheat loaf

3. Meat – Nah…I’ll pass

4. Frozen – Amy’s Veggie Pot Pie

5. Dry goods - Quinoa

* Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 CDs for the plane. What are they?

1. Fiest The Reminder

2. Radiohead Amnesiac

3. Can I just bring my ipod? I don’t ever buy CD’s anymore…

* If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. This weekend Henry said…

2. This weekend Henry did…

3. What’s for lunch?

4. I feel like an alien at my job

5. I have to pee

* So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you'd probably be in a pretty irritable/bad mood?

1. Brush and floss my teeth

2. Hug the boys

3. Take a shower

* What are 3 things that you have in your room that have been with you for the longest amount of time?

1. Omega (My huge, fluffy, white comforter)

2. A necklace from my parents

3. A robe that my Grandma made for me when I was 10 years old

* You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

1. I’m being tailgated

2. I just got cut off

3. The music in the car next to me is so loud that it is making my car vibrate and my son is yelling “Turn off radio Mama”

* Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself at your house. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

1. Taking pictures

2. Cleaning the kitchen

3. Watching a movie and knitting

4. Reading

5. Making cupcakes

* We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

1. Hippo

2. Elephant

3. Otters

(crying all the while)

* You're hungry for ice cream. What are your favorite 3 kinds?

1. Pumpkin spice

2. Raspberry sorbet

3. Anything containing coconut and chocolate

* Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?

1. Orange wallet

2. Henry’s socks

3. 4 different kinds of Lipolicous lip-gloss

4. ipod

5. Pink sparkle toothbrush, floss and tiny Colgate toothpaste tube

I've never been one to "tag" people but I'd love to see what you got....I know it seems like a waste of time, but do it anyway ;)

Green is great

My friend MC tagged me to list 3 ways that I live green. Well, sort of meme is right up my alley (who am I kidding, any meme is right up my alley)…so here goes-

1) Transportation- We have really been working on carpooling here in the Kelly household. We are trying to work out the kinks of having just one car with plans of selling the van and the civic next spring for something more reliable. We live so close to our jobs and are jobs are so close to each other, there really is no reason for us to have 2 cars, and honestly, so far it has been a really easy transition. Plus I hate to drive so it is good for the Earth and good for Mama.

2) Household- We recycle everything. We use energy efficient light bulbs and own energy efficient appliances. We are going to plant our first garden this spring and I am hoping to grow enough vegetables to stock up our kitchen all summer, plus some to can for the winter, and some for our friends and family {gardening tips would be greatly appreciated}. We compost our scraps and only mow our lawn when it is absolutely necessary (wait, that might have more to do with being lazy than living green) ;)

3) What we eat- Did you know that not eating meat, especially beef, is the best thing you can do for the planet? Why? Raising cattle for slaughter is a tremendous waste of water, a major contributor of pollution in our streams and rivers, plus it destroys rain forests and produces massive amounts of carbon dioxide and methane and many other things. This link is a fascinating explanation of why skipping that hamburger is so good for our planet. By not eating beef you will----
~avoid polluting our streams and rivers better than any other single recycling effort you do,
~avoid the destruction of topsoil,
~avoid the destruction of tropical forest,
~avoid the production of carbon dioxide. (Your average car produces 3 kg/day of CO2. To clear rainforest to produce beef for one hamburger produces 75 kg of CO2. Eating one pound of hamburger does the same damage as driving your car for more than three weeks);
~reduce the amount of methane gas produced;
~reduce the destruction of wildlife habitat, and
help to save endangered species.

What are you doing to live green?

Looking forward to...

If I ever complain about anything that has to do with my parents again in the future please send me an over the Internet smack. Two reasons-1) Henry and I have stopped at my parents house unexpectedly and uninvited for 4 days in a row. Today, my Mom had to have a procedure done that made it so she couldn't watch Henry for us. So what did I do? I popped by to check on her at around 5 and stayed for dinner and an evening walk. My parents are incredibly generous and never say a word about spending every day with a wild 2 year old and his exhausted mother, although I can only imagine how tiresome that must get for them.
2) My parents just bought me this house- Just kidding. My semi-retired Dad has been working so that our whole family (all 10 of us) can spend a week next summer in a beach house on the East coast and today they decided on this place.
It is on a private beach and has amazing views of the Atlantic from every bedroom.

On our way to the beach we are going to stop in St. Louis for the night (we figure 4 hour stretches with Henry stuck in the car is about the best we are going to get). In St. Louis I think we'll visit my Aunt P and go here (take the photo tour and you will get a sense of how awesome this place is). Then we will drive to Louisville to visit Nana. Nana is Henry's Great Grandmother. She is wonderful. Wade grew up in Louisville so it is always fun to swing by his old haunts. Nana's mother, Eva, lives in Indiana. That's Henry's Great Great Grandmother. If I can find a way to bring Alex to Louisville that same weekend then we can get a 5 generation photograph and I can check off #28. We'll probably stop one more time between Louisville and the beach house, in Tennessee or North Carolina. I'll have to do some research on fun things to do in that area.

I am hoping I will get to do #5, #23 and #30 while we are there. Oh and I will definitely get to do #2. And, on the long car ride I might do a little of #27.

I have to say that this trip has me more excited than I have been in quite a while. Spending a week with my family on the ocean sounds like a dream come true. I am literally counting down the days {I'm not kidding guys, it's on my calendar at work}.

Other future events that I am counting down for-Our annual visit to the pumpkin patch (I'll post pictures from last year and this year). Our 5th wedding anniversary. Henry in a Halloween costume. Thanksgiving. Henry's 2nd birthday. The end of the semester. Christmas...This year is going to go out with a bang.

Tell me, what are you counting down the days until?