Meme-aroo

Is it called a meme? I don’t know. But I have been called upon to participate and it sounds like fun so here’s the drill-- 10 quirks or interesting facts about myself. (I can’t promise they’ll be interesting but they will certainly be quirky)

1. I never clean up the little dirt piles I sweep up. Something about the act of walking into the laundry room to get the dust pan, bending over and trying to get all the stuff into the dust pan (which never actually works, there is always an old pea or stray cheerio that rolls back out or pops over the side over and over again) really bugs me. It drives my husband nuts. He says things like “No Henry, don’t eat that pile of dirt and old food that Mama swept up and then left right here in the middle of the kitchen floor.” I claim forgetfulness and he sweeps them up for me.

2. I hate driving. I get bored. And other drivers make me crazy. Not in a road rage sort of way, but in an ugh this is so slow and boring sort of way. I hope they invent teleports in my lifetime.

3. I still wear my maternity underwear…okay, okay…I love my maternity underwear and I wear it, them okay them, I wear them, 3 pairs, first before all others. Laundry day comes, I wash my undies, fold them (yes, they are large enough to fold, shoot they are large enough to hang on a hanger if I felt so inclined) and put them on the top of the stack. I love them. I pull them up to my chin and snuggle in. It’s like a cummerbund with leg holes.

4. I have two reoccurring dreams. One is that my teeth are falling out. At first it just gets a little wiggly and I push on it like “there is no way I just felt my tooth move” and then I decide that my tooth is in fact getting looser every second and try as hard as I can not to touch it with my tongue but in the end it falls out and it’s neighbor starts to wiggle. The other one is that I am in school and have somehow missed weeks of class and lost my schedule and can’t remember where my classroom is and the bell is about to ring and I am in line in the office but the line is so long or sometimes I find my classroom only to walk in late during a test or walk into the wrong classroom, usually a huge lecture hall and sit down in the middle of the room before realizing that I am in the wrong place.

5. I stick raspberries, blackberries and olives on my fingers before I eat them. Henry has picked up the habit and now we call raspberries and blackberries “bingerberries” (translation finger berries”.) I’ll post a photo.

6. I hate flying. I’ll do it because I love to travel but I won’t sleep the night before and my stomach will be in knots the whole time, oh and you’ll have to hold my hand through the entire flight. I don’t care that this is a twelve hour flight and you are a total stranger, put on some hand lotion, do some finger stretching and get ready for hand-holding carpel tunnel.

7. Sometimes, okay this is super embarrassing but we did just talk about my underpants, when I am home alone cooking I will pretend to be on a cooking show. It all started when I was a kid and I would do pretend shampoo ads in the shower--“Johnsons and Johnsons leaves my hair silky and shiny. And it smells fantastic.” Well, I don’t do that anymore…not very often at least…but I can do a fake Rachel Ray like nobodies business. I even pretend to read a teleprompter. I’m turning red, I may have to delete this one.

8. I am fairly certain that grasshoppers are the most disgusting creatures on the planet and considering that fact it seems perfectly acceptable that I will not get within 10 feet of them. They have no jump control and when you startle them they will just jump right at you! One landed on me when I was 6 years old. Easter morning, I was wearing my blue polka-dotted Easter dress and white tights, saw the grasshopper and walked towards it thinking that it would hop away from me like most normal, not totally freakish bugs. It hopped right at me and landed on my leg and pooped on my white tights. I had to wear grasshopper poop stained white tights for the rest of the spring and probably the next spring too, those things are pretty stretchy. Ehh, I just got the chills.

9. I sing everything. EVERYTHING! This is not something that just happened after I had a kid, I have done it as long as I can remember. And I do not have a good singing voice.

10. I asked my husband if he could think of any quirky things about me. I said it sort of like "Can you think of any quirky things about me? Even just one?" He raised his eyebrows, sort of rolled his eyes and said "Are you serious?" So this #10 spot is saved for him. I'll add his comment as soon as he "narrows it down" (as he put it).

Now it's your turn. Come along to Memeville and unleash your inner quirkiness.