2008

“It’s time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow.”

-James Schuyler

In case you were wondering

-How you know you are getting old: You send your husband out for rum and diet/caffeine free coke.
-How you know it is time for a diet: You post a photo of yourself at 2 years of age and someone comments on how thin you used to be.
-How you know you are not getting enough sleep: You forget where you parked and end up walking past your car twice before you find it.
-How you know you are broke: You use your Christmas money for groceries.
-How you know you are lazy: You clear a path of dirty laundry on your floor so that you can safely crawl in and out of bed in the dark and the path has been the same for a month.
-How you know you are PMSing: You cry while watching the Christmas episode of Little Bill with your 2 year old son.

Mashmallows and three snowmen

I took Friday off because my list of things to do before Tuesday is oh so very long....but squished into a mosaic it looks totally delightful so I am not complaining. The peppermint marshmallows turned out great so Friday I will do round 2. This batch is going on my White Elephant (with left overs to be dipped into chocolate and given to Wade's coworkers on Monday) Christmas party on Saturday with two snowman mugs from Target and some hot cocoa. Plus I have two wreaths to make. The ornament one is for my Mom and the gumdrop one is for me, if I can find gumdrops (help!). I am not finished stringing my cranberry and popcorn garland and if I don't get that on the tree soon the birds aren't going to have anything to snack on in January. Plus I am working on a stocking for my friends daughter. It is like the red one in the center photo. There is cookies to decorate and cupcakes to bake. If you are in the mood for Christmas crafts come on over to my workshop, I could use more elfin hands :)

Happy Holidays my blogger friends.

A doormat

One of Wade's Christmas presents. I think it is hilarious.

Dream Job

Dwell did an article about transforming a bi-level house into a contemporary and sustainable home this month. I've read it three times. This is where I want to end up someday-working with sustainable architecture. It is my dream job. It is why I am finishing this Ecology degree (well, that and my Dad).

Take that

There are times when I feel like I am not a very good mom. Those times are usually from around 12:30-3:00 on Friday afternoon. That is when I am trying to put Henry down for his nap without Wade's assistance and it never goes very well. Today was no exception.
We read stories, snuggled, got the animals all lined up in bed, had several drinks of water, rock-a-byed and then I put him down in bed. He was up within seconds, telling me "I do not like night night nap mama." I left the room and stood outside the door. He said that another 60 times. "I DO NOT LIKE NIGHT NIGHT NAP!" Me either.
Then it got quiet. I had a moment of hope, maybe he is asleep.
"Oh Mama. Poo poo diapy on the bed." I ran in. Henry was nude from the waist down, his poopy diaper laying on the bed. I scooped him up-new jamies, new diaper, new blankets, new sheets...back in bed. More hoopla-crying, yelling, jumping, headbutting while rocking. After about 10 minutes I told him "Henry lay down and go night night. If you get up one more time I am leaving the room and not coming back in." "Okay Mama" he said. He was up in less than a minute. I left the room and waited outside the door. He cried for a while and then I heard him busily moving around. This could be good, I thought, he is usually really squirmy before he settles down.
"Uh-oh Mama. Medicine on the blanky."
I run in. He has somehow reached over to the other side of his dresser, grabbed the diaper ointment and squirted it all over his bed, himself and the walls. Oh, and he is nude from the waist down. New jamies, new sheets, new blankets....In the chaos I forget to take the ointment out of his hands. I tell him "Henry give me the medicine." "NO." he yells. "Please give it to me Henry." He puts his hand out like he is going to give it to me but instead squirts it right in my face. This is a no-no chair offense and he is happy to go because it means that he doesn't have to be in his bed. In and out of the no-no chair for 10 minutes. I have to reset the timer 5 times. Finally, he does his time without getting out of the chair and we are back in the bedroom. I laid him down and he actually stays down. I think all the crying, pooping, yelling, squirting, and headbutting finally has worn him out. And me too. It's a funny feeling when a situation can make you feel like crying, punching a wall and laughing all at the same time. Oh well, I think Mama needs a night night nap.

There was a lot of ice and stuff

We hit a rough, or should I say, icy patch the last few days that brought about several realizations/revolutions for Wade and I. Our power went out at midnight on Monday night. It came back on briefly and then was out again at 3 am and stayed out until 5:30 this morning. We stayed home as long as we could on Tuesday morning, but after a night of the three of us (plus two cats) freezing under our blankets, it wasn't long before we packed up our things and headed to Gigi and Grandpa's house. I spent the day there with Henry while Wade worked. I had taken the day off to try to salvage my final exam grade. Henry was sick over the weekend and our last exam was last Thursday so finding the time to actually study was nearly impossible. Now, I knew that without electricity there was no way I could study at my house and so I gave up on studying and played with Henry hoping that our electricity would be on Tuesday evening and I could stay up late studying. It wasn't on Tuesday evening so we settled on staying the night at my parents house. This would be Henry's first night not sleeping in his own bed. Wade and I knew it wouldn't go well, and it didn't. He was confused. He kept saying "Henry go home. Henry go night-night in Henry's own bed." He wouldn't lay down on his own, so I went to bed with him at 8:00 pm. He tossed and turned most of the night. When our neighbors called at 5:30 to tell us that our outside light turned on Wade was so excited I thought he might just run home (which would be a very long and cold run from my parents house). He left at about 6:00 am and Henry and I got up a few minutes later. I am at work now, having spent the day responding to emails from my "vacation" day yesterday and not really getting any studying done despite my stack of notes sitting on my desk just to my right, and I have almost completely come to terms with the fact that I am going to go into my final exam tomorrow not knowing much of anything from the semester. Not remembering the general information we learned for exam 1 or much of the far more specific information that I didn't learn for the exam I just took last week or anything else in between. I think the worst part about tomorrow will be looking over those test questions and feeling like I have a vague idea of what the answer is but not knowing enough to be certain. I don't want to get a D. I am tired of worrying about it. I feel like there wasn't much I could have done differently.

I think I could write a book about things that go wrong before final exams. My freshman year I wrecked on my way to my Psychology final. I leaned over to grab my #2 pencil that slid behind the seat and slammed into a tree. Years later a girl ran into the electrical post just outside of our house with her car and broke the post in half. They had to turn off our electricity to put in a new post. I studied my note cards by candlelight that night. There have been other incidents too...sickness, broken bones, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't think of now because my brain is tired and I am sleep deprived.

But I can't complain too much. A grade is just a grade, a class is just a class. And this experience has brought about some important insights that needed to come up. As Wade and I drove away from our dark house on Tuesday night I thought about all the people that have been displaced from their homes recently because of hurricanes and tsunamis. There is a feeling of helplessness unlike any other when you call a service to find out what is happening with your home only to get an automated service with a very broad explanation and no time frame for when you can expect your life to be "normal" again. Many people who lived through Katrina are still dealing with that automated service and coping with that hopeless feeling. I had it for 28 hours, I can't imagine how they must feel right now. In addition to that....what's the saying??? "Don't know what you got till it's gone" Man, that is the truth. When Wade called to tell me that he was watching Ricky Ticky Tavy with Henry on the sofa with the Christmas lights on in our warm house I felt better than I have in months. So I guess I can thank the ice for that. I can also thank my parents for putting up with us for 28 hours, we are not easy house guests and they were unbelievably generous.

So, I suppose I'll take my bad grade for those insights. It seems like a fair trade.

It's true

Have you seen Sicko? Go rent it tonight if you haven’t. It is an incredible film. Last night Wade told me that it changed his life…and I think we’re moving to Canada ;)

But seriously, check it out…good stuff.

{well, actually it is not good stuff, it is terrible stuff, but it is good to know about so rent it. Or come to my house and watch it. We have it on movies on demand until tomorrow night.}

The Jar

Well, I finally got an exam grade that I deserve in my Developmental Biology class: 68%
Can't really complain, I spent all of 3 hours studying for it and only attended 2 classes since the last exam.
The final is going to suck.

My body's latest response to stress is all of my muscles become sore and weak. Mostly it is my hands, arms and thigh muscles that are weak, but my whole body aches right now. I couldn't open the peanut butter jar yesterday.

More with the funk

I spent my day trying to study for my test off and on while doing my job. I have no patience for the fact that I have to spend all of my free time over the next two weeks deciphering these notes. It seems insane to spend my few hours of free time each week doing that. I will never use this information. The older I get the less tolerant I am of my time being wasted. For the first time in my life I am very much aware of time-how quickly it is passing, how we only have a limited amount of it....Sometimes I wish I didn't have this awareness, it seems much nicer to just go through the day with no thought of time, just going through the motions unaware of my hair turning greyer or the fact that 2007 passed in the blink of an eye. Does time move faster as we get older? It seems to. At any rate, I have to find a way to end this school situation. I think that means taking more classes and just really suffering for a few months to have it completed in a shorter time. I am enrolling in another class for the spring. Hopefully this way I can be finished a year from now. I don't want to be in school at all but I want to graduate. I wish my Grandpa was still alive. I would say screw Biology and go work with him in his workshop and he could show me how to be a carpenter. I think I would like to be paid to make things with my hands everyday.

The start of a funk

I twisted my ankle and fell on my ass while getting out of my car this morning. No one was around to see it. I had to sit there for a couple of minutes because my ankle was throbbing and I dropped my lunch bag and half of my belongings fell out of my purse and scattered on the ground. I tried not to cry. In that moment I decided that I am totally miserable, its funny how that can happen, one little thing can set you off. I wanted to just stay sitting there for hours. I imagined walking to my desk and putting my headphones on immediately so I didn’t have to talk to anyone and sitting all day at my desk with all this activity going on around me but no one needing anything from me or asking me any questions or getting any phone calls or listening to any stories. Just sneaking in and sitting at my desk and being invisible.
I know the sources of my funk. This week it is an exam on Thursday and a final on next Thursday and I am starting my period and I am still not over this cold and Henry just does not sleep through the night anymore and I really don’t like my job and I can’t believe that I am about to end another semester and start another one and I don’t feel any closer to graduation and we should be saving money for our vacation and my transmission is starting to slip.
I was only at work for 10 minutes before I had to turn around and go to class. I sat in class confused and bored, wishing I had just stayed at work and saved my $1.75 for parking. This is an example of one page of notes I took in class. I typed them out when I got back to work hoping that they would make more sense after I looked at them again. They don’t.

4) Ureteric bud secretes Wnt9B and
Wnt6.
-Induces MNGM differentiation into epithelial tubule.
-mesenchymal to epithelial transition.
-regulates ECM, CAM and cytoskeletal genes.
-Pax2 txn factor involved.
5) MNGM secrete Wnt4 wich acts in an autocrine way to
consolidate mesencymal to epithelial transition.
-LIM-1 Txn factor mediates this transition to epithelial tubule.
6) MNGM induces ureteric bud to branch
Both “pulls” and “pushes”
GDNF: induces branching.
TGFβ-1: inhibits branching (restricts branching to correct area).
BMP4: restricts branching.

Time

The practicalities of everyday life are really taking it out of me today. I am discouraged. I wonder how an “Average Joe” can live his life without feeling as though he has compromised.

Seriously! Seriously?

What is up with the pre-lit Christmas trees? I mean it's bad enough that I have to buy a fake one (curse you cats!) but now I don't even get to put my own lights on it? And whose idea was this? What, putting up the lights give someone an arm cramp or something?

Gosh Gene, I would love to put up our ornaments this year but the 10 minutes it took me to string the lights really took it out of me. Maybe after I take a nap. Anyone got a Gatorade?

Give me a break!