Sheesh

I am the first to admit that I am not someone that should have nice things. I pretty much ruin everything I own. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE this sweater from J.Crew and these hair ties are pretty frickin adorable also. Ugh! Looks like I am going to be working some over time this week.

Granola

*Reposting note: I realized this morning that we eat this granola with vanilla soy milk (which is the super best stuff on the planet) so I omit the vanilla from the granola recipe. If you make this and use cow’s milk you may want to add a tsp or 2 of vanilla extract to the liquids before you mix it all together. Also, I have made this is honey and karo syup (I know, I know…not the healthiest stuff on the planet but I had it left over from the home made marshmallows) and it tastes great. Substituting these might be a good option if you are someone that doesn’t like the maple taste in your granola. Okay…let me know what you think and be sure to try Vanilla Silk. You will love it!


I took 2 days off this week and it has been so wonderful. My house is clean. My laundry is done and I got to break up all the things that I usually cram into a 3 hour period on Sunday and actually enjoy them.

There are 3 reasons why I love making my own granola. 1) I get to pick the ingredients, which means I can use walnuts (for omega 3), almonds, and sneak in a little flax seed. 2) There is no high fructose corn syrup. 3) It makes my house smell heavenly. (and 4...it's super easy)

Granola:
3 cups rolled oats
1 cup sliced almonds
1 cup chopped walnuts
3/4 cup shredded sweet coconut
1/4 cup plus 2 tbsp. brown sugar
4 tbsp. ground flax seed
1/4 cup plus 2 tbsp. maple syrup
1/4 canola oil
3/4 tsp. salt
1 cup dried fruit

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.
In a large bowl mix oats, nuts, coconut, flax seed and brown sugar.
In a small bowl mix maple syrup, oil and salt.
Combine both mixtures and pour into 2 sheet pans. Cook for 1 hour and 15 minutes stirring every 15 minutes. Remove from oven and transfer to a large bowl. Add fruit.

Run

Whew. We all took a 3 hour nap this afternoon.

Feet up

Wade's family is visiting today. I was so nervous about them coming to my house. They are all successful women with beautiful homes, I didn't know what they would think of my tiny house full of old mismatched furniture, crooked floors and dusty bookshelves. They were very kind...I think all the natural light and Wade's amazing pancakes put them in a trance. :)

Corners of my home

I have seen this on a few of my favorite blogs and thought I would give it a try. {Plus it gives me a chance to show off the orange lamp my parents gave us as a house warming gift}

Spring

I bought some tulips this morning and the bloomed in minutes.

Help

The white one or this one? Quick... help please! It is time to order and I can't decide.

Nostalgia

For my sisters

Ice cream

I got an ice cream maker from my little sister last Christmas. So far, my attempts at homemade ice cream have been a little disappointing. It is pretty to look at and tastes good but is really soft and melts in seconds. I am not giving up yet. I have a few more months to figure it out before summer. This batch was a vanilla coconut ice cream. Iwas a little disappointed because you use coconut milk for the "cream" part but it does not have any coconut flavor. Once I get this basic vanilla down I am going to try to make an actual coconut ice cream. I have had a little more success with sorbet. This is a clementine sorbet that you serve in the frozen shells of the clementines. Perfect for summer and so easy (and cute!).

yummy

it is incredible what nice weather can do for your spirit. being outside. swinging. hearing the song of the ice cream truck and the sounds of kids playing in their back yards. spring is near. yesterday i spotted little purple flowers popped up through the brown grass in our yard and i had my first encounter with a butterfly. a little orange one. she walked with me for a few steps then flew around me a couple of time before being swept away by the breeze.

i feel inspired. i can't wait to stick my hands in the dirt and smell fresh cut grass and feel sunshine on my shoulders and sleep with the windows open.

i have been doing some embroidery. it's funny, i loved to embroider as a child but as an adult it was just something i set aside as childish and not creative. i have realized that it is neither of those things and that I can make some beautiful stuff and be proud of it. i have a bird pillow in the works. i will post a picture when it is finished.

i have this urge to bake bread. i know, it's weird, i can't explain it. something about having the kitchen window open makes me want to bake bread. i made raspberry bread on monday. i might make some strawberry bread tonight.

I picked one!

It's decided. The bird fabric on the left is the one. I think the bright color will look great with white table. The fabric is by Anna Maria Horner and will be out in late March. That will give me just enough time to figure out how to reupholster chairs ;) Also, the bed I have been dreaming of buying is finally on sale at Pottery Barn. It is $150 to ship it so I am going to the store this weekend to see if they have it in stock..whoo-hoo!

So

I found more fabric. This one is yellow, which I like, and it reminds me of the art work in the books I used to rent from the library as a kid. I don't know that it would make a very good chair cover, though.
I like this fabric in all of these colors and since I haven't really picked a color for the dining room it is hard to narrow it down. But I am not sold on it.
This one is by Heather Bailey, a person whose blog I blurk on daily. Her stuff is so fresh and has an antique feel but with a modern twist. To be honest I am leaning towards this one because I love colors and I love that it is a big print and I saw it as a cushion on a window seat on a flickr page and it was really cute.
I like this print but I don't love the color.

This is neat

For the past few weeks NPR has been promoting the book “Listening Is an Act of Love: A Celebration of American Life from the StoryCorps Project” by telling some of the favorite stories from the StoryCorp Project. It has become one of my favorite NPR segments. StoryCorps is an independent nonprofit project whose mission is to honor and celebrate one another’s lives through listening. Since 2003, tens of thousands of everyday people have interviewed family and friends through StoryCorps. Each conversation is recorded on CD to take home and share, and is archived for generations to come at the Library of Congress. StoryCorps started with the opening of a StoryBooth in New York City’s Grand Central Terminal. In 2005 the first two MobileBooths - traveling recording studios housed in Airstream trailers - launched from the Library of Congress. By the close of 2007, they recorded stories in more than 70 cities in 46 states. They now have opened booths in several cities across the US and have a website that you can log on to and record your own story or listen to other people’s stories. I have always had a fascination with oral history {I only wish my Grandparents were still alive so that I could record some of their stories} and these stories are especially compelling because of how the interview is set up, oftentimes the interviewer is as invested in the story as the interviewee which creates a very intimate dynamic. One of my favorite stories was a daughter with Down syndrome interviewing her Dad about what was like when she was born. There is another one with a Dad and his daughter talking about the death of her Mom, his wife. The one they did this morning was about a woman who went to college in the 60’s at a school that had just gone from all boys to coed and the abuse she suffered from her teachers and what it felt like to be a woman in business at that time. She was interviewed by her daughter.

StoryCorps is one of the largest oral history projects of its kind. It’s mission is “By recording the stories of our lives with the people we care about, we experience our history, hopes, and humanity.” It is really fascinating, You should check it out http://www.storycorps.net/

Caffeine High

I’ve had 4 cups of coffee this morning and a coconut egg-which is no where near as good as a coconut nest, the best Easter candy on the planet, but I cannot find coconut nests anywhere this year...the green one, not the chocolate one. Anyway, between the coffee and the sweets I feel great this morning.

For the past few months I can’t stop listening to the news. I have NPR on pretty much all day. It’s funny because when I was a kid we carpooled with my neighbor Gina and her Mom would always drive in the morning and listen to NPR the whole time and I hated it. Now, I am that person! Crazy.

This weekend I am going to makes some cupcakes. I found some cute ones in Martha Stewart to use as inspiration. Henry is pumped, he loves helping.

This weekend I am also going to try to get some fabric to recover my dining room chairs. I am totally incapable of picking a fabric. This is my inspiration-

But I cannot seem to find anything like that in the stores but I found these, which aren't bad. What do you think?-Wait, there’s more. I just signed up for the Douglas County Aids Walk. If you want to make a donation or walk on our team (it's only 1 mile) let me know. :) {no pressure}

One more thing, thanks for reading my blog. I have been all over the place lately, feeling under the weather and grumpy. I am feeling a little better now so hopefully my blog will be a little more fun soon.

yikes

Today at the grocery store Henry said "Mama, that lady looks like you."
I scanned the area searching for someone that looked like me. There were 5 people in the area, none of them looked like me.

"Where?" I asked.
"Right there, Mama. Right there." He pointed straight ahead.
Wade said, "I bet it is the women right there, with the pony tail."

"You mean the pregnant one?"
"Yeah, um....I'm pretty sure."

This was not a women with a cute little baby bump...this women was about to give birth right then and there in the produce department.

I need to go on a diet.

Yeah, that's right

Had kind of a rough few weeks so tonight I decided to do a little cupcake therapy. I did a "cookies and cream" version. They turned out really rich and yummy (the pictures, on the other hand, turned out no so good).

save some trees

yes, we all recycle and try to do "our part" as much as we can, but can one simple change make a big impact?

from "good:"

*the website changethemargins.com is calling for printer owners everywhere to take the simple step of, well, changing their margins from the current luxurious standard 1.25 inches to a the more modest .75 inches. It may sound like a small change, but if everyone in the nation did it, we’d save a little less than a Rhode Island’s worth of trees every year. Does tinkering with Word’s cumbersome preferences scare the fonts right out of you? Don't stress, it's easy and you won't be able to tell a difference.

Changing your margins in Microsoft Word:
Go to “File,” then “Page Setup.”
Once on “Page Setup,” click the “Default” key, and you’ll be offered “Do you want to change the default settings for the page set up? This change will affect all new documents based on the normal template.”
Set each margin to .75 and save some trees.

Heart

When my Aunt Cindy died she left all her jewelry to her nieces. She had a LOT of jewelry. Mostly costume jewelry that was as big and bright as the amazing woman that wore it. She loved holiday’s. At Christmastime I don’t think there was a piece of furniture in her house that was not adorned with something red and green. She even celebrated the summer with flamingo earrings and sunshine sandals. So, when I looked over her jewelry box I decided that I wanted to find a piece of jewlry to wear for every holiday…well, it turned out that all of my cousins (and a couple of unauthorized Aunts) had the same idea. But I was able to hang on to one gem, a red plastic heart pin. I have been wearing it on Valentines Day every year since she died. Because that is what she did. Because today is about love. Because I loved her so much. But today I decided that I don’t think I should save this pin for just February 14th anymore. I think that this red plastic heart pin actually goes with every outfit on every day. So I can be reminded to celebrate her love and her life, and my love and my life everyday. That makes me happy.

I ordered 3 new sewing books. My mind is racing with all the projects waiting for me on the pages...and yes, I have an Amazon addiction. I can't wait to make this sun hat. I plan to use it a lot this spring in the garden.

Super Tuesday

Are you guys going to caucus tonight? I REALLY REALLY want to go but I can't. If you go and you're for Obama cheer extra loud for me :)

Free

Much to my parents disappointment I had to drop my classes this semester. Although I am a 30 year old woman, I still feel the sting of disappointing my parents. But, unlike the many other times that I have felt the loneliness and self-doubt brought on by my father’s silent treatment tactics, this time I feel a slight surge from the decision. Don’t get me wrong, I still cried most of the day after dropping out and I still felt a little sick to my stomach as I over-explained my reasoning to my Mom, but at the same time I know that it is the right choice. When I complain about school my Dad usually tells the story of working 3 jobs while going to grad school and raising 3 children. He sacrificed his time with his kids for education and work, a compromise that I am unwilling to make and an example of the fundamental difference in priorities between me and my father. At any rate, I feel good about the decision and am reveling in the delight of free time. Imagining watching movies with my hubbie, my toes tucked under his legs while we snuggle under the blankets. Reading a book that keeps me up way too late. Making a new cupcake recipe (I’m thinking: pumpkin cranberry cake with brown butter icing). Here are a few other things I would like to do with the next 4 months:

volunteer at an animal shelter.
paint and recover the kitchen chairs.
take a couple of cooking classes at the merc.
sew new curtains for the kitchen.
bake homemade bread.
have coffee/dinner with my friends more, without children.
annihilate debt.
successfully predict this year's college hoops champion for my own March Madness pool.
get a pedicure now and again?
make a piñata.
make an entire meal with ingredients grown in my garden.
discover and learn about a new artist...music, painting, photography, anything really.
find or make Wade a really great gift.
exercise.
take pictures nearly every day.
go to and take everyone to the dentist (admittedly sad that this is making the list!).
keep the yard from looking trashy (harder than you think).
eat a salad every night.
plant a lilac bush and a dogwood tree.
get to a healthy weight so we can have another baby.
take a screen printing class (that means you lisa).

DISCLAIMER

Hi Guys. So, you’ve maybe noticed that I haven’t been posting much lately. I have been feeling a little disinterested in my blog. It seems to fill this ambiguous space for me. I have a lot going on right now and I would love to have an outlet to discuss it…but I also have this disabling concern for other people’s feelings and it is keeping me from talking about many of the things that I have been thinking about. I feel like my blog is not really a total representation of me. I mean, it is a blog so it isn’t every going to be a TOTAL representation of me but I really don’t want it to be devoid of me entirely. When I first started looking at blogs I mentioned to Wade how inspirational many of them are and I told him that looking at these blogs sometimes made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. He said “People can be whatever they want to be online. Don’t let it make you feel bad. It is just a snapshot of someone else’s life and they can make it whatever they want it to be. It isn’t real.” Well….I don’t want my blog to be that. So, I have been thinking of deleting it.
But, at the same time I have a few friends that have blogs and I have convinced my sisters to have blogs and I am always so excited when they post on their blogs so I feel like there might be a handful of people that feel the same way about my blog.

So this is my warning to you. I am going to change things up a bit. I am probably going to talk about touchier subjects. I’ll probably discuss animal rights, veganism, environmental responsibility, politics….etc. If you are sensitive about your hamburger then you will probably not want to read my blog. I am not saying that it is going to be all serious all the time. I’m sure I’ll still post about my cupcakes and my little Bean and do mosaics….all that good stuff. I am just saying that I am going to be more honest about what is going on with me. I need to have a little more integrity with this blog; otherwise it is just a waste of my time. If you're not feeling it then don't read it. I will not be offended.

Husband does the robot

The news about Heath Ledger...

has made me really sad. I have always had a soft spot for him and his family. He seemed like such a genuine guy.

Paper Flowers

I love paper flowers. Back in 2001, when I was planning my wedding, I made a ton of paper flowers. I wanted to use them for my bouquets and centerpieces. I wanted to put them in my hair and in my bridesmaids hair....but after days and days of work I realized that I just didn't have the time to make that many flowers. This year Henry and I made paper poinsettias which turned pretty nice and would have probably made lovely centerpieces for a winter wedding. It took a while but not as long as my efforts years ago. I think I might use the same idea to make some white and light green flowers to fill the beautiful white ceramic pitcher that my parents gave me for Christmas.

Things that make me happy Thursday

I asked my coworker what her New Years Resolution is, she said she doesn't believe in resolutions because she never keeps them anyway. I said, yeah but just because you fail at something doesn't mean that you should stop trying. Resolving to live a better life by flossing your teeth or losing weight or eating more vegetables is something that people should do all the time, not just once a year. I felt a little sad for my coworker because I am pretty sure that she is not doing anything to actively make her life better, she is just going along with things as they are. A scary notion for me. I firmly believe that your life is what you make of it. If you make no effort and take no risks for yourself then in the end the only thing steering your course is what other people do to you. An even scarier notion.

My New Years Resolution list is long and lovely and full of hope and promise for this journey I am on called LAURA KELLY'S ONE LIFE. I've got some stuff I'll share but most of it I think I'll keep for myself.

This holiday season has really been an eye-opening experience for me. I’ll spare you the details and just say that in the end I have realized quite a bit about myself and my family. There have been disappointing and lonely moments but I am looking at it as a much needed push towards a more organized, independent and thoughtful life. And all of these recent discoveries have come just in time for New Years Resolutions, which may just give me the much needed boost for some positive change.

It is the end of year and in an accounting office that means crazy hours, stress headaches, not taking lunch breaks and doing a lot of complaining. A few of my resolutions center around my experience at work, which is important to me because I spend most of my time at work. I do not really feel a deep connection to my coworkers, but that is okay because it is a job, not a social gathering. My goals this year for my job are to not let myself get stressed out by it {it’s a job in a billing office….not worth the kind of emotional energy I am currently putting into it}. To not be such a pushover with people {it is shocking to me to look at my workload in comparison to everyone else. It would seem like the pay out for hard work is more work, but in many ways I bring it onto myself by not speaking up about the imbalance}. And, lastly, stop participating in office politics and gossip. I feel best about myself when I come to work, do what I am supposed to do, meet my deadlines, stay focused, am friendly and positive, and do a good job.

Another very important goal for 2008 is to work on my relationships- foster some new friendships, to strengthen some that I value and have let slide and remove myself from the ones that are not fulfilling and leave me feeling frustrated and exhausted (I have many of those). This is going to be SUPER hard for me because A) I have no free time. B) I have a slight fear of commitment when it comes to friendships. Too many people have let me down in the past (hence the multiple frustrating and exhausting friendships resolution). C) I am not good at putting up boundaries without just completely cutting people off. In some cases I think I should just cut people off, and actually this fall I did that with two friendships that were NOT working for me. I felt and still feel a little guilty about it, but I try to remind myself that I do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like me.

Of course, losing weight/being healthy is high up on my list for 2008. I am really feeling the pressure now because this year we are going to the beach and I want to feel good in my swimsuit and be comfortable on a long road trip. I feel good about the healthy part. Since starting this plant-based diet my energy level is up, my skin is clearer, my hair is shinier, I don’t have heartburn anymore, and I don’t crash after every meal. I need to exercise though, so starting on Monday I am going to the gym in the morning. Before I got pregnant I exercised every day, then I hit my first trimester and pretty much slept and threw up all day….I felt good working out and while working out every day is not really an option given my busy schedule, I think I can fit it in 4 days a week, and that will do for now.

What about you? What do you want for yourself in 2008?

2008

“It’s time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow.”

-James Schuyler

In case you were wondering

-How you know you are getting old: You send your husband out for rum and diet/caffeine free coke.
-How you know it is time for a diet: You post a photo of yourself at 2 years of age and someone comments on how thin you used to be.
-How you know you are not getting enough sleep: You forget where you parked and end up walking past your car twice before you find it.
-How you know you are broke: You use your Christmas money for groceries.
-How you know you are lazy: You clear a path of dirty laundry on your floor so that you can safely crawl in and out of bed in the dark and the path has been the same for a month.
-How you know you are PMSing: You cry while watching the Christmas episode of Little Bill with your 2 year old son.

Mashmallows and three snowmen

I took Friday off because my list of things to do before Tuesday is oh so very long....but squished into a mosaic it looks totally delightful so I am not complaining. The peppermint marshmallows turned out great so Friday I will do round 2. This batch is going on my White Elephant (with left overs to be dipped into chocolate and given to Wade's coworkers on Monday) Christmas party on Saturday with two snowman mugs from Target and some hot cocoa. Plus I have two wreaths to make. The ornament one is for my Mom and the gumdrop one is for me, if I can find gumdrops (help!). I am not finished stringing my cranberry and popcorn garland and if I don't get that on the tree soon the birds aren't going to have anything to snack on in January. Plus I am working on a stocking for my friends daughter. It is like the red one in the center photo. There is cookies to decorate and cupcakes to bake. If you are in the mood for Christmas crafts come on over to my workshop, I could use more elfin hands :)

Happy Holidays my blogger friends.

A doormat

One of Wade's Christmas presents. I think it is hilarious.

Dream Job

Dwell did an article about transforming a bi-level house into a contemporary and sustainable home this month. I've read it three times. This is where I want to end up someday-working with sustainable architecture. It is my dream job. It is why I am finishing this Ecology degree (well, that and my Dad).

Take that

There are times when I feel like I am not a very good mom. Those times are usually from around 12:30-3:00 on Friday afternoon. That is when I am trying to put Henry down for his nap without Wade's assistance and it never goes very well. Today was no exception.
We read stories, snuggled, got the animals all lined up in bed, had several drinks of water, rock-a-byed and then I put him down in bed. He was up within seconds, telling me "I do not like night night nap mama." I left the room and stood outside the door. He said that another 60 times. "I DO NOT LIKE NIGHT NIGHT NAP!" Me either.
Then it got quiet. I had a moment of hope, maybe he is asleep.
"Oh Mama. Poo poo diapy on the bed." I ran in. Henry was nude from the waist down, his poopy diaper laying on the bed. I scooped him up-new jamies, new diaper, new blankets, new sheets...back in bed. More hoopla-crying, yelling, jumping, headbutting while rocking. After about 10 minutes I told him "Henry lay down and go night night. If you get up one more time I am leaving the room and not coming back in." "Okay Mama" he said. He was up in less than a minute. I left the room and waited outside the door. He cried for a while and then I heard him busily moving around. This could be good, I thought, he is usually really squirmy before he settles down.
"Uh-oh Mama. Medicine on the blanky."
I run in. He has somehow reached over to the other side of his dresser, grabbed the diaper ointment and squirted it all over his bed, himself and the walls. Oh, and he is nude from the waist down. New jamies, new sheets, new blankets....In the chaos I forget to take the ointment out of his hands. I tell him "Henry give me the medicine." "NO." he yells. "Please give it to me Henry." He puts his hand out like he is going to give it to me but instead squirts it right in my face. This is a no-no chair offense and he is happy to go because it means that he doesn't have to be in his bed. In and out of the no-no chair for 10 minutes. I have to reset the timer 5 times. Finally, he does his time without getting out of the chair and we are back in the bedroom. I laid him down and he actually stays down. I think all the crying, pooping, yelling, squirting, and headbutting finally has worn him out. And me too. It's a funny feeling when a situation can make you feel like crying, punching a wall and laughing all at the same time. Oh well, I think Mama needs a night night nap.

There was a lot of ice and stuff

We hit a rough, or should I say, icy patch the last few days that brought about several realizations/revolutions for Wade and I. Our power went out at midnight on Monday night. It came back on briefly and then was out again at 3 am and stayed out until 5:30 this morning. We stayed home as long as we could on Tuesday morning, but after a night of the three of us (plus two cats) freezing under our blankets, it wasn't long before we packed up our things and headed to Gigi and Grandpa's house. I spent the day there with Henry while Wade worked. I had taken the day off to try to salvage my final exam grade. Henry was sick over the weekend and our last exam was last Thursday so finding the time to actually study was nearly impossible. Now, I knew that without electricity there was no way I could study at my house and so I gave up on studying and played with Henry hoping that our electricity would be on Tuesday evening and I could stay up late studying. It wasn't on Tuesday evening so we settled on staying the night at my parents house. This would be Henry's first night not sleeping in his own bed. Wade and I knew it wouldn't go well, and it didn't. He was confused. He kept saying "Henry go home. Henry go night-night in Henry's own bed." He wouldn't lay down on his own, so I went to bed with him at 8:00 pm. He tossed and turned most of the night. When our neighbors called at 5:30 to tell us that our outside light turned on Wade was so excited I thought he might just run home (which would be a very long and cold run from my parents house). He left at about 6:00 am and Henry and I got up a few minutes later. I am at work now, having spent the day responding to emails from my "vacation" day yesterday and not really getting any studying done despite my stack of notes sitting on my desk just to my right, and I have almost completely come to terms with the fact that I am going to go into my final exam tomorrow not knowing much of anything from the semester. Not remembering the general information we learned for exam 1 or much of the far more specific information that I didn't learn for the exam I just took last week or anything else in between. I think the worst part about tomorrow will be looking over those test questions and feeling like I have a vague idea of what the answer is but not knowing enough to be certain. I don't want to get a D. I am tired of worrying about it. I feel like there wasn't much I could have done differently.

I think I could write a book about things that go wrong before final exams. My freshman year I wrecked on my way to my Psychology final. I leaned over to grab my #2 pencil that slid behind the seat and slammed into a tree. Years later a girl ran into the electrical post just outside of our house with her car and broke the post in half. They had to turn off our electricity to put in a new post. I studied my note cards by candlelight that night. There have been other incidents too...sickness, broken bones, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't think of now because my brain is tired and I am sleep deprived.

But I can't complain too much. A grade is just a grade, a class is just a class. And this experience has brought about some important insights that needed to come up. As Wade and I drove away from our dark house on Tuesday night I thought about all the people that have been displaced from their homes recently because of hurricanes and tsunamis. There is a feeling of helplessness unlike any other when you call a service to find out what is happening with your home only to get an automated service with a very broad explanation and no time frame for when you can expect your life to be "normal" again. Many people who lived through Katrina are still dealing with that automated service and coping with that hopeless feeling. I had it for 28 hours, I can't imagine how they must feel right now. In addition to that....what's the saying??? "Don't know what you got till it's gone" Man, that is the truth. When Wade called to tell me that he was watching Ricky Ticky Tavy with Henry on the sofa with the Christmas lights on in our warm house I felt better than I have in months. So I guess I can thank the ice for that. I can also thank my parents for putting up with us for 28 hours, we are not easy house guests and they were unbelievably generous.

So, I suppose I'll take my bad grade for those insights. It seems like a fair trade.

It's true

Have you seen Sicko? Go rent it tonight if you haven’t. It is an incredible film. Last night Wade told me that it changed his life…and I think we’re moving to Canada ;)

But seriously, check it out…good stuff.

{well, actually it is not good stuff, it is terrible stuff, but it is good to know about so rent it. Or come to my house and watch it. We have it on movies on demand until tomorrow night.}

The Jar

Well, I finally got an exam grade that I deserve in my Developmental Biology class: 68%
Can't really complain, I spent all of 3 hours studying for it and only attended 2 classes since the last exam.
The final is going to suck.

My body's latest response to stress is all of my muscles become sore and weak. Mostly it is my hands, arms and thigh muscles that are weak, but my whole body aches right now. I couldn't open the peanut butter jar yesterday.

More with the funk

I spent my day trying to study for my test off and on while doing my job. I have no patience for the fact that I have to spend all of my free time over the next two weeks deciphering these notes. It seems insane to spend my few hours of free time each week doing that. I will never use this information. The older I get the less tolerant I am of my time being wasted. For the first time in my life I am very much aware of time-how quickly it is passing, how we only have a limited amount of it....Sometimes I wish I didn't have this awareness, it seems much nicer to just go through the day with no thought of time, just going through the motions unaware of my hair turning greyer or the fact that 2007 passed in the blink of an eye. Does time move faster as we get older? It seems to. At any rate, I have to find a way to end this school situation. I think that means taking more classes and just really suffering for a few months to have it completed in a shorter time. I am enrolling in another class for the spring. Hopefully this way I can be finished a year from now. I don't want to be in school at all but I want to graduate. I wish my Grandpa was still alive. I would say screw Biology and go work with him in his workshop and he could show me how to be a carpenter. I think I would like to be paid to make things with my hands everyday.

The start of a funk

I twisted my ankle and fell on my ass while getting out of my car this morning. No one was around to see it. I had to sit there for a couple of minutes because my ankle was throbbing and I dropped my lunch bag and half of my belongings fell out of my purse and scattered on the ground. I tried not to cry. In that moment I decided that I am totally miserable, its funny how that can happen, one little thing can set you off. I wanted to just stay sitting there for hours. I imagined walking to my desk and putting my headphones on immediately so I didn’t have to talk to anyone and sitting all day at my desk with all this activity going on around me but no one needing anything from me or asking me any questions or getting any phone calls or listening to any stories. Just sneaking in and sitting at my desk and being invisible.
I know the sources of my funk. This week it is an exam on Thursday and a final on next Thursday and I am starting my period and I am still not over this cold and Henry just does not sleep through the night anymore and I really don’t like my job and I can’t believe that I am about to end another semester and start another one and I don’t feel any closer to graduation and we should be saving money for our vacation and my transmission is starting to slip.
I was only at work for 10 minutes before I had to turn around and go to class. I sat in class confused and bored, wishing I had just stayed at work and saved my $1.75 for parking. This is an example of one page of notes I took in class. I typed them out when I got back to work hoping that they would make more sense after I looked at them again. They don’t.

4) Ureteric bud secretes Wnt9B and
Wnt6.
-Induces MNGM differentiation into epithelial tubule.
-mesenchymal to epithelial transition.
-regulates ECM, CAM and cytoskeletal genes.
-Pax2 txn factor involved.
5) MNGM secrete Wnt4 wich acts in an autocrine way to
consolidate mesencymal to epithelial transition.
-LIM-1 Txn factor mediates this transition to epithelial tubule.
6) MNGM induces ureteric bud to branch
Both “pulls” and “pushes”
GDNF: induces branching.
TGFβ-1: inhibits branching (restricts branching to correct area).
BMP4: restricts branching.

Time

The practicalities of everyday life are really taking it out of me today. I am discouraged. I wonder how an “Average Joe” can live his life without feeling as though he has compromised.

Seriously! Seriously?

What is up with the pre-lit Christmas trees? I mean it's bad enough that I have to buy a fake one (curse you cats!) but now I don't even get to put my own lights on it? And whose idea was this? What, putting up the lights give someone an arm cramp or something?

Gosh Gene, I would love to put up our ornaments this year but the 10 minutes it took me to string the lights really took it out of me. Maybe after I take a nap. Anyone got a Gatorade?

Give me a break!